Love is all that matters

Never miss an opportunity to put a smile on someone's face. 
Support the drive to share and express the love of Jesus this season
#TheLoveMovement2017

Date: December 22, 2017

Venue: Dustbin Estate Ajegunle 
Your donations are needed generously financially or in kind. Food stuff, clothes, writing Materials, tools, stationery, all things give-able can be donated.

Items can be dropped at this location or you can call any of the numbers below for pick up.

1. Tender Care international school 
Plot 5a adigun Avenue Magodo estate isheri Berger, Lagos

For more info, please contact;
Bisi: 0708 202 3499
Bukky: +1 443-580-4382
Isoken:08099448137

God bless you as you give and help to put smiles on their faces. 
We are called to Love, we are called to serve. For in love and service is the true test of of faith and the pure the of Christ...... There is a POINT and PURPOSE to a life lived in love. Join the movement, Join the party. It is going to be LoveFull

Find the Right Courage

1samuel 30:6. David encouraged himself in the Lord. When things weren’t going so well for David, he found courage in the Lord, he knew there he could find strength to rise again. Sometimes we go through hard times, we go through troubled seas and things get really bad. But we must find courage and strength in the right places. This will come from our deposit, David has a deposit and he knew he could go to God. What good deposit do you have stored up in your spiritual bank, what good deposit do you have in family and friends? If you find courage in the right places, you won’t be down for long.

Live

Hello beautiful! Would you please live? Live to the fullest, do all that God has given you the potential to, don’t compete with man, cooperate with God. Don’t monitor people, launch out, dig in. Celebrate those who are rising, encourage those who are down, Love your Neighbour as yourself and serve like you are the only one doing it. Live Love, Live happy, Live Christlike.

You don't need attention, you need expression

You don’t need attention, you need expression. Stop trying to be in everyone’s face, stop feeling the need to constantly be the object of discussion, stop trying so hard to be seen, stop feeling pity for yourself, stop presenting your image to people so they can feel sorry for you, stop loosing sleep because you are seeking ways to be the centre of attention. Find expression, understand your person and what you want to do, then give it an expression. People will accept what they see and what you project, but when you spend days seeking people’s attention, they begin to direct your life as they want and that is not a good place to die. You have your life, you have your glory, you have your grace, you have your strength, allow your person to find expression, stop hiding behind a person because they give you attention, what you need isn’t attention, what you need is for some of your hidden strength, hidden perfections to find expression. Can you light a lamp and hide it under a bowl? Stop that feeling! Stop craving attention so hard and don’t feel content because you get all the attention you think you need. If you keep craving attention, you will never find an expression. Get up, groom yourself, build confidence, enough of hiding behind people and thinking that you are strong, enough of forming strong in other people’s shadows when you are actually weak, live life for yourself, learn your lessons and develop brightly as God would want you to. So that when people no longer have the attention to give you will be able to express yourself outside their shadow. You can deal with it, you can handle it, you can be strong. Don’t use your pain as an excuse to become weak. You have God’s attention, He will help you find expression and that is what will move the right people your way. Sometimes it’s okay to find your strength and know that you don’t need the attention of another to feel good about yourself.

Dear Star,

People didn’t make you a star, God through you created a craft that people love and that made you a force. People would support you and encourage you but never allow the voice of people become louder than the voice of vision. Don’t shine only when you are in public eye, shine in your zone, in your home, in your room, shine for family, shine for friends, shine everywhere. Don’t let the public dictate when you shine, ultimately it is you who is trying to live a vision and every time you find satisfaction in bringing yourself closer to it, permit yourself to truly be a star. Let your heart bear witness with the name you carry. Don’t just be a star to the public eye be a star to your inner eye. You are on your way there..... shine to fill a void not to please. Stop seeking approval from the public, seek it from God.

POPULARITY IS NOT QUALITY

God is a God of Quality. He seeks to improve the quality of our lives daily, He is so concerned about our mind and all that goes on in our lives, he is concerned about the inner, what goes on within. But we move farther and farther away from him by constantly following things that increase our popularity and put the quality of our lives at risk. How people see us, what people say shouldn’t be more important than the approval of God. We can’t desire to be popular by world standards and still desire God’s stamp. We must pick a side. Ever wondered how people pick popularity over quality. The truth is people’s applause will become weak, people’s voices will fade, peoples eye will grow dim, people’s ears will become itchy and you will be left alone with the thoughts of how well your live has improved and grown. Will you still be a star when you no longer stand in crowd for an applause? So what are you doing to improve the quality of your life? What are you doing to be a better Christian, what are you doing to raise the standard high for the Lord? God is not concerned about a life of fame without an improved personal quality. The good thing is you can be popular with good quality. So go on champion, develop the quality of life that God wants then go on to shine for him and then He can glory in your fame.

POINTLESS IS FOR YOU

Why haven’t you gotten a copy of POINTLESS? Let me give you reasons why you should get a copy: 1. I wrote the book. That should be enough reason however I’m feeling generous with reasons today so I would help you. 2. it has raw truths in it that will help you live a better life. 3. There is a strong link between the purpose you seek and the love in your heart. 4. God has a message for you in it. 5. I want your money 🤣 6. There are many other reasons but my fingers are not as generous as the reasons, they ache already. So seriously seriously you need a copy of POINTLESS in your hands and you need it NOW 🙂🙂 I know that because God inspired me to write it for YOU yes YOU

Greatness is in You

I’m searching for my purpose’ A lot of times I hear people say they are on a mission to find their purpose and the reason they were created. God is an absolute God, when He made man, He made man with intention, with an already defined purpose. God had everything at His disposal and He created man to walk in that dominion. God didn’t create you to search for a purpose He already gave, He created you to walk in the knowledge of that purpose and fulfil it. Many of us are spending time meant for fulfilling purpose in finding it. God didn’t create us to search for relevance, purpose, greatness, He created us purposefully, He created us relevant, He only wants us to by His grace walk in this greatness and relevance. God made man to be like Him in worship and service, that’s all the purpose we need to fulfil, what we need to open ourselves to is the grace that God has made available to live the life He expects and one that will bring glory to him. Your purpose is not in the searching, purpose is what will lead us to live the life God wants us for us. So Purpose is not a destination, Purpose is the Way. God made man for a purpose to guide Him into living the glorious life that He intended. Stop searching when you should be revealing and unveiling.
You are made for greatness and destined to live purposely. Many times when we say I’m searching for purpose, it is out of a desire to be like someone, to find relevance, but God’s Purpose is nothing about self gratification, it is all about service outside self. Until we realize that we may never live in God’s Purpose. Many times our search remains futile because we search for what we already have. It’s time to walk in God’s wisdom. We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance as our way of life......
Every gift we have, acquire and possess is another reason to serve. All it takes has been given at creation. There is no guessing with God, He has power, greatness, grace, relevance and all that He gave as our birthright, the question then is, Have we received yet?

Regrets to Results

Responsibility is a Christian virtue. Seeth thou a man diligent! We know we won't be able to live with someone's flaws but we are so desperate for a relationship, we are bored, we start to get close to the person and so we enjoy the company for a moment after body don rub body and all is done, our eyes are opened and we see the very things that have been there from the beginning and then we know it's time for a break up. Some relationships should never have happened and some hearts shouldn't have been broken. 
I mean of course we will make mistakes and learn but we must also become responsible enough to exchange regrets for results. We are responsible for a lot of things and a lot of lives. 
We must stop using whatever will be will be as an excuse for our carelessness. 
We must stop using if it was mine it would have happened as an excuse for our ignorance. 
We must take action, we must be confident and brave. Know what we want and what God has called us to. Not guessing and allowing our decisions hurt us and others. If we are responsible enough we will not act because of the way we feel we will act out what is right. 
If our falling and over falling will crush someone else and we remember the pain of heart break, we will not do it. 
If we realize that this job is an opportunity for a higher level we will be responsible enough to do all that we have been assigned to. 
If we realize that our business may be ours but we can destroy and grow it with our attitude we will be more responsible at our delivery of service. We want to do someone a favor and we procrastinate so much. I know we are the one who wants to help but it doesn't mean we dictate when the person will get the help 
If we really want to help, we help when people actually need it.
So we don't now live in the regret when the person finally says I've got it thank you. 
There's a place of responsibility as believers. Yes there will be second chances, God can give thousand chances but also there will be the time and result factor. Ladies let's fix our heart and responsibility will come naturally because a fixed heart has God right at the centre of it all. A fixed heart is a responsible heart.

Beauty is Infectious

Compliments! Give them to yourself and give to others. How can you stay beautiful when you ignore beauty? How can your heart stay beautiful, when you can’t praise beauty? We must learn to appreciate beauty in ourselves and in others, we must learn to like the beautiful good, we must learn to follow beautiful. Identify the beautiful concept, the beautiful idea, the beautiful dream in yourself and in others. Don’t be afraid to call yourself beautiful, don’t be too proud to call others beautiful. See the good in everyone and call it by its name. How can our hearts stay beautiful when our eyes constantly ignore what’s beautiful? Have you paid someone a compliment today? Have you paid yourself a compliment today? Have you said something nice to someone who isn’t in your GOON SQUAD. Everyone deserves a kind word and everyone heart deserves to stay beautiful. You can start by being BRAVE and BEAUTIFUL. If it’s beautiful just SAY it because for every time you talk about beauty, a part of you receives it and a portion of your heart accepts it. Beauty is infectious.

Created as a Love Proof

Life is not a Competition, don’t run the course of life living in the shadow of others. You were not created to prove that you are better than others, you were not created to prove that you are richer, you were not created to prove that you are cooler.
No you were created as a prove of love, a prove of grace. A prove that love is enough to set the world straight, a prove that there’s a living truth in you that can heal the world. Stop trying to prove a point, stop trying desperately to get the attention of people, stop trying so hard to prove that it’s all about you. Rather live as the evidence of what God has made you. A standard proof of Love. Stop selling yourself short.

The daughters of Zelophehad

Regardless of the storm or whatever you may be experiencing, its time for you to get up, stop complaining. like the Zelophehad sisters, go and talk to the one who matters. It won't be long, it won't be a waste, in time you would realise that all you needed was to find strength and courage in the right place.
don't waste time crying and complaining, it wont change ANYTHING.

Youthful Yoke 2: Outward strength

Outward Strength

•      I John 2:14 - I have written unto you, fathers, because ye have known him that is from the beginning. I have written unto you, young men, because ye are strong, and the word of God abideth in you, and ye have overcome the wicked one.

Friend you are strong enough to take it,

Strong enough to make it,

Strong enough to find it,

Strong enough to lead it,

Strong enough to handle it.

Strong enough to pull through it.

THERE IS STRENGTH TO DO GOOD:

What bed will you lay on when you’re older? Are you making your bed now? What good foundation are you laying? Now there is strength to do all the good in the world. Strength to refrain from anger, strength to keep quiet even when you can say a lot, strength to help another in time of need, strength to flee youthful lust and pleasures. Where is your strength for good deeds?

THERE IS STRENGTH IN ADVERSITY:

If you fail in times of adversity, your strength is small. How do you stand in adversity? Troubles will come, mountains will roar, terror will gather, but now, this time, there is strength to cope in the face of adversity. How big is your strength?

THERE IS ENERGY FOR WORK AND ACTION:

When you are young, you have so much energy to go around. Energy to lift. Energy to fight, energy t run, energy to lead.

It is easier to do all the work now, easier to use your legs to get to the place of your dreams now, it is easier to run faster and get there earlier in the days of your youth.

What are you spending your energy on? What are you loosing strength on? What is taking the cost of you time?

Now is the right time to take stock of your energy and time. Has it been worth it?

PASSION IS WILD AND STRONG

Now there’s so much passion in you. So much excitement, you can feel the passion from the touch of someone, you can experience the passion when you pursue a dream relentlessly.

The idea you possess cannot go beyond the level of passion you have for it. How passionate you are about something always determines how long it lasts.

So if not now when, now is te time to allow your passion for good drive your legs to fulfilling purpose.

STRENGTH TO BE AN EXAMPLE:

Example in truth, example in conduct. There’s a responsibility divinely placed, to lead people to see the light and to help them be a better version. What kind of example have you been? Who have you been leading?

THERE IS A CORRESPONDING STRENGTH FOR EVERY DESIRE AND DREAM

Truthfully it’s never too late to fulfil a dream but we will all agree that the earlier the better. Because sometimes dreams gathered at old age may not be fully attained due to frailness and weakness. But now for every dream, there is a corresponding strength. For every desire, there is a strong mind putting forces together to make it work.

THERE IS STRENGTH TO LEAD THE CAUSE FOR A CHANGE OR PATTERN:

The strength of the youth is great enough to channel a cause and see it through. Many youths undermine the glory in their strength. A strength that can achieve great things has been divinely placed in the body. So now you can get up and say this is what I stand for and mobilise people to stand with you for the same purpose. Accepting the glory of your strength is accepting the divine leadership position that God has placed upon you.

To be continued……

Yoke of the Youth

Lamentations 3:27 It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth.

I am tired, I don’t know what to do, I am not moving forward, I’m tired of life, I just want to give up’ Tolu cried as the words escaped her lips.

Tolu graduated with a second class upper and has been searching for a job since she left the university in 2010. When Tolu was a young child, her parents divorced, her father left the house and she was raised by her mother. Many times Tolu thought about the possibility of her father coming back home but that dream never came to reality. The relationship with her father was strained, years of loneliness and vain hope. Many times Tolu wanted to leave the house as she thought her mother was too hard on her, she did the chores and had to take care of a lot of things, her mum refused getting any help so majority of the work fell on her.

All Tolu spent her teen years doing was trying to get out of the chores, she hated them so much she would rather live elsewhere. As she grew older, she thought any opportunity to take responsibility was an invitation to suffering. The responsibilities that would shape her life and build her response to circumstances were the very things she ran away from. And years down the line she still hasn’t learnt to take responsibilities. As she sat down in her room thinking of what to do with her life, she blamed everyone and everything else except for herself. She blamed the government, she blamed her not so rich mother who couldn’t get her a connection, she blamed her friends who were already working for not paying her attention, and she counted all their blessings as luck. She made the government’s irresponsibility her own responsibility, she made the system’s failure her own failure and she left herself with no genuine sense of responsibility.

She forgot that she was responsible for her life, her joy, her peace and everything that affected it. In making other unnecessary things her responsibility she forgot to be responsible for her own self.

Somehow majority of youths have this similar problem. They go on thinking everything is a right, they are never responsible for anything in life because they think they are not the architect. Someone or something just has to be responsible for every box of dream left unachieved. But here is the truth, the moment you know your left from right, you begin the build the blocks on which your life will eventually stand. Those are the very things that shape our lives and there we begin to learn what is important

Hello Youth! There is nothing as wonderful as being young, but for every phase there’s a yoke, a burden. The question then is are you responsible enough? Responsibility is your response to every situation. How do you respond or take charge of every given moment and opportunity. No matter how terrible things have been, it is of God’s mercy that they are not worse. But what exactly should you be responsible for, what yoke would you bear that will bring meaning to the life you are living.

A yoke of responsibility (WORK)

It is good for a man that he bear the yoke in his youth. The Bible reminds us of what the world gives: trials, tribulations, but with that knowledge comes a revelation that Christ has already overcome the world. Hence we are to walk in that victory and doing that means doing the exact things Jesus did to overcome. Walking the paths of Jesus and again reliving the choices that He made for us. When we realise the truth in Gods words, we begin to attach a lesser meaning to life and channel efforts to what is truly important. Knowing that joy is not found in people or things but in the purpose for which we were truly created. We must then be responsible enough to take our lives, structure it and own it regardless of what we have been through. Responsible enough to bear the yoke of troubles, rebukes, fatherly chastisements, obedience. Take responsibility and not whine, when you are tempted to pity yourself, ask yourself ‘What have I done’.

When something happens, think of a response, what are you responsible for in that situation? Your job is not to point fingers, your job is raise your fingers for service.

A yoke of optimism and excitement for the future

Do you have any hope left? Life is not just about sitting down, without hope or aspiration. Your Youth is for finding. It is a time to be excited about the thoughts and prospects of the future. Knowing what joy you will behold in future. It is a time to look beyond today and into the eyes of the future.

What matters is not how much you have acquired today because possessions are not forever, what matters is not even in the abundance of what you have. It is all about what you are achieving now with those resources and what they can achieve in future.

Friends if truly you are thinking about the future, you will know that some battles are not worth fighting and you will be excited for everything that is coming to you and passing through you.

A yoke of enjoyment

Put your neck down and wear the crown of enjoyment. Enjoyment is not in wasting or marrying, enjoyment is in knowing all of life’s purpose and living in it. Many times we are deprived of enjoying because we focus too much on the problems that abound. Why not accept that those trials are a part of it all, working out our patience, trying out our faith. When we accept the knowledge of this reality, we don’t spend our years constantly fighting the troubles away, we live through them and rise above them, we get better and we embrace our lives, rather than spending the years fighting and losing the true meaning of living.

A yoke of creation and control

Isn’t there a burden of creation rising in you? You have hands, what have they done? You have eyes, what have you seen? Where have your legs gone? What are you doing with your body, it is not a fashion item.

Create ideas, dreams and vision, then take control. Control over self and pleasure. Control that lust, that wrong appetite, the raging passion because those very things are what alters creation. If you don’t take control then the creature becomes control and is put under. How can a man function right when he no longer has control over what he wants, needs or craves. The yoke is to gain control and not lose it. The fact that you are young and free does not mean that every craving must be satisfied.

A yoke of Good

There’s an increase in crime and evil. Daily we behold the danger with our eyes. We complain so much of evil yet we contribute to it in our own little way. What good have you done? Who have you said a kind word to? Who have you helped in a stranded state? There is evil but even stronger is the burden to do the good required to erase the bad.

Rather than complain about evil all day, focus on bearing the burden of doing good.

A yoke of Humility, Obedience and Service.

What do we have that we have not received? We live like we brought it all as we raced out of our mother’s wombs. We hold on so tight to things that are not ours to begin with. We have our harms so tightly wrapped around our possessions that we forget to wrap it around another human, we have our mouths running others down that we forget to say a kind word.

There’s so much rebellion and always it has to be our way or nothing. Condemning and crucifying others yet forgetting the wrong we have held on to for so long.

What yoke are you bearing?

All these may seem very heavy but now is the time to bear them. Now is the time to know that life does not consist only of money, fame and pleasures. Life is creating your own joy from a source as supernatural as the one that gave you breathe then spread that joy to every area of your life, such that you receive all that happens as a part of a process and you take full responsibility for making things better as life goes on.

Your joy is your responsibility, God has given grace to shoulder the responsibility but are you walking under grace?

You can’t be tired when you haven’t even started fulfilling purpose. Because when you find the essence, everyday becomes another opportunity to achieve more.

To be continued

Any Good?

What good have you given?
What good have you rewarded?
What good have you done?
Oh pilgrim

What help have you rendered?
What help have you offered?
What help have you given?
Oh pilgrim

Every good done is unto God
Every help rendered is unto the maker
Every hope given is for a soul
oh Pilgrim

You complain so much about all that is going wrong,
But no good flows from you to correct the wrong.
There's so much fighting and abusing,
Have you been a peace maker?
There's so much hatred,
Have you shown love to one person?
There's so much much poverty,
Have you blessed someone from the little you have?
There's so much hunger,
Have you shared a meal?
There's so much discouragement,
Have you given hope?
There's so much bad news,
Have you shared a good one?
There's so much moral decadence,
Have you tried being good?

Oh Pilgrim
You are created for this very purpose,
to do good
There is so much in you,
So much good the maker has placed in you.

Why don't you start by giving that little,
Why don't you start by obeying that instruction to do good,
Why don't you think of someone order than yourself.
There's a good in you,
Let it show forth.

so is there any good left in you for the world?
Yes it there is.
The point is will you start doing that good?

When did you last give God praise?

When did you last give God praise?

When did you last raise your voice in true worship?

Not vain, controlled, forced,

The Truth and Spirit kind of worship.

Does God deserve your praise?

For His son,

Who faced death that you may boldly take on life

When you were soaked in sin and covered in guilt

Now you are redeemed, you dance on the stage of salvation

Yet you forget the one who made the show.

You no longer wake up in the morning with shouts of

All things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small,

All things wise and wonderful,

The Lord God made them all.

You no longer receive your meals with a sense and content, care and the strings of that beautiful tune

Some have food but cannot eat

Some can eat but have no food

We have food and we can eat

Glory be to thee oh Lord.

Have you forgotten that you have been ordained for a life of praise and gratitude?

Have you forgotten that God broke your chains to loose your praise?

You remember that song Óh that men?

Oh that men would praise the Lord

Oh that men would praise the Lord

For His goodness and for His wonderful works

To the children of men, to the children of men

He has broken the gates of brass and cut the bars of iron asunder.

Oh how you have forgotten those days of pure consecration

When you rushed with excitement to the altar for a cleansing

When all life meant was a time with the most high

When the focus alone was heaven

When the desire was for the coming of Christ

Now you are tired of waiting

His praise has gone sour in your mouth

His worship is diluted with doubts

His purity baked in your guilt

Hiding his praise, Yet sipping on his goodness

Complaining of lack, yet breathing life

Complaining of stagnancy yet walking on two legs

Complaining of sad days yet with eyes wide open you behold the dawning of a new day.

God does everything good yet man sees everything bad.

You have forgotten the days when you sang

Everywhere He went, He was doing good,

Almighty Jesus, Healed the leper,

When cripple saw Him,

They started walking, Everywhere He went my God was doing good.

I’m not asking you to praise today,

I’m just asking you to think,

Oh man think.

Think of the reason,

The reason why you live,

The reason why you were called

The reason why you were created.

God can raise stones,

He can call trees,

He can summon the sun,

He can move the moon

Oh for his praise.

Think not oh man for a second

That you are His only source of praise,

Think not oh man

Start praising from a place of knowledge, not a place of right

If you were ordained for praise why then do you not praise?

There is someone asking now?

Why do we sing?

When we lift our voice to Jesus

What do we really mean?

Someone may be wondering

When we sing a song,

At times we may be crying

When nothing’s even wrong

I sing because I’m happy

I sing because I’m free,

His eyes is on the sparrow

That’s the reason why I sing.

Slaying or Straying?

I do not dress for a walk of shame,

I dress for a walk of glory.

I do not dress to oppress,

I dress to witness.

I do not dress to create an opening,

I dress to cover my privates.

I do not dress fit trash,

I dress to speak class.

I do not dress to be sexually appealing,

I dress to preach modesty.

I do not dress to make the thoughts of men stray,

I dress to present my body a living sacrifice to God.

I do not dress up to entice,

I dress up to inspire.

I am not dressing to fit in,

I dress up to stand out.

I do not dress to offend,

I dress to motivate.

I do not dress to follow trends,

I dress to set standards.

I sacrifice public trend for modesty,

I sacrifice nudity for simplicity,

I sacrifice trash for class,

I sacrifice oppressing for witnessing,

I am courageous enough not to conform to fashion nudity,

I am courageous enough not to conform to free shows,

Don’t get me wrong,

My Dressing doesn’t define me,

But my identity is revealed through my dressing.

And I know I can be stylish yet classy

I can be trendy yet covered,

I can be modest yet beautiful,

I can be simple yet stunning,

And I can definitely be fashionable yet godly.

My Identity is in Christ Jesus

My dressing is a loud witness for Him.

I don’t know what you are thinking when you say I slay. But I am definitely not doing the ‘mo pa won tan’ ‘kill them finish’ kind of slay. I’m doing the ‘dressed to glorify’ ’dressed to sacrifice’ kind of style.

Pardon me slayer! I didn’t mean to confuse you, but are you slaying or straying?

Mrs to Misery. The End

‘Get rid?’ I couldn’t get it out of my head. What did Olanrewaju mean by that? He had no idea that the baby may not be His yet he was asking me to get rid simply because he wasn’t ready for a child. How ridiculous. I was upset with him but I cried all the more because I had to decide what I was going to do if the baby belonged to Tunji. I was so confused.

I thought deeply about my life and how things got so messy. I didn’t even know where to begin, I was ready to do everything to make things right but I just didn’t know how to. My world was falling apart, Olanrewaju wanted me to get rid of the baby because it wasn’t time, I wanted to get rid of it because it just may not be His.

I stayed in the sitting room all night, hoping and praying that this was all a dream. Maybe someone would come along and wake me up. Nothing like that happened, it was all for real, nothing had changed, not even the anger in Olanrewaju’s face as he sat across on the three sitter staring into my sleepy eyes.

‘Olanrewaju, I’m so sorry, it wasn’t intentional.’ I said as I rushed towards him.

He lifted me and put me back on the chair then he went into the room. I didn’t want to follow him because I wasn’t sure what he was capable of doing in his moment of anger. I stayed back and I buried myself in my thoughts. Olanrewaju was in the room for over an hour, when he stepped out, he didn’t say a word to me, he only smiled and said ‘I will see you tonight.’

Olanrewaju confused me a lot of times. I feigned a little smile and watched him leave. For a moment my mind flipped back to our engagement night. I was certain that Dayo had told him about Deyemi and I but he didn’t say a word, He went along with his planned proposal. Of course months into our marriage, I found out that he had been nursing that grudge but didn’t ask about it. Was this a repeat of the same cycle, was he going to cover it all up in a smile and never say a word about it. I was totally confused.

I needed someone to hold my hands and tell me that everything was going to be okay, I needed someone to talk to, I just wanted to hear the words that will set my misery right. I decided I wasn’t going to work, I will stay at home and find a way to right every wrong. As I thought about it all, I started to cry again. I was slipping into a dangerous cycle, I thought of calling my mum but what do I tell her, where do I begin the story. She had called me every single day since the wedding and my response had always been the same.

 ‘Yes mummy, everything is just fine, you shouldn’t worry so much about Olanrewaju and I, we are super great.’

‘How about the family prayer altar I mentioned. Have you started?’

‘Not yet mum but we will.’

She was always worried about how I was coping but I never mentioned anything to her. She had this picture that everything was rosy, I may not have heeded her advice on prayers and church, on the surface, she thought things were okay.

I went inside to get the mop bucket and stick, just to find a distraction. I started mopping the sitting room, of course this wasn’t a time to mop dry, I just needed a distraction, I would move the mop around, dipped it back in the can and repeat the same process again.

A knock on the gate interrupted my thoughts. Was Olarewaju back to pick something? Even though I wasn’t sure he was the one because he usually found his way to the door. I wasn’t even sure who to expect, I walked reluctantly to the gate and opened up without even asking who it was. And on seeing who it was, I knew my misery was about to take full delivery. Heeeeeee Heeeeeeee, it was Tunji, of course it was Tunji. I had foolishly described my house to him during one of our conversations and now he has returned the foolishness by visiting me in my husband’s house. How was he so bold, after our moment of passion, he had the effrontery to come by my house. What if I wasn’t home, What if Olanrewaju was home, what I would have done?

‘What in the world are you doing here Tunji? Please leave.’

‘Toun, I had to talk to you, you have refused picking my calls or replying my messages.’

‘What were you expecting Tunji, a warm welcome back into my arms after our show of shame. You should actually realise that if someone doesn’t pick your calls, they are not  interested in talking to you.

‘I just need to explain some things to you. Please’

‘Don’t allow me destroy your legs with this gate, go away Tunji,’

I was so upset, upset that I allowed his hands on me, upset that he may be the father of my unborn child, upset that I allowed him mess up my marriage.

He put his foot forward and started pleading with me to hear him out.

‘Toun, I’m sorry, it was a mistake. My fiancé left me because she found out about us.’

‘Wow Tunji, I’m so sorry to hear that.’

I felt sorry for him, He was in tears, I was in tears. I walked him into the sitting room.

‘Please watch your steps, I was in the middle of cleaning.’

‘Thank you’

We both sat down and we talked amidst tears. He cried worse than I did, I held his hands to comfort him but we both cried the more.

He explained that he didn’t mean to take advantage of me, he didn’t know what took over him, he felt so attracted to me and he didn’t have control over it.

‘Even now Toun, I can’t get you out of my mind. I’m still in awe of your being.’

‘Stop it Tunji, I am married and I still regret all that happened between us. Please let’s stay away from each other. I’m trying my best to make my marriage work and nothing will change that.’

We must have been deep in our conversation because I didn’t even hear Olanrewaju come in from the gate. I suddenly heard the front door open, he probably had been standing behind the door listening to our conversation. As soon as he entered, Tunji and I stood up. This was trouble.

Olanrewaju was shaking, His eyes turned red, he dropped the red carrier bag he was holiding, rushed towards Tunji and gave him a punch.

‘Stop it Olanrewaju, I can explain. Please it is not what you think.’

‘She’s right sir, this is a big mistake.’

‘Mistake, it is a mistake that you can’t get your mind off my wife?’

Olanrewaju punched him again. Tunji intended to gently remove Olanrewaju’s hands, but I guess he was too forceful, Olanrewaju slipped on the wet floor and it was a very big fall.

‘Olanrewaju, Olanrewaju, Tunji what have you done? What have you done?

Olanrewaju wasn’t responding,

‘Talk to me Olanrewaju please.’

No response still. Tunji and I moved Olanrewaju to the hospital.

I didn’t say a word to Tunji, He made me give him the innocence of my marriage and now he was almost taking my husband away from me. I was super angry. I didn’t know what to do. Who do I call, how was I going to explain the cause of Olanrewaju’s fall, and what do I say. It was then I realised I had left my phone at home. I rushed back home so I could at least call the one person who could help me. My mum.

I rushed into the room to pick my phone and under the pillow beside my phone was a letter addressed to me. I opened it as quickly as I could.

Sexy T,

My glory, My pride, My Jewel,

I know that the last couple of weeks, months have been really rough.

I know that our lives haven’t been perfect,

I can say that now I know we weren’t ready for this thing called marriage,

But I am certain that we can work it out

I love you from the depths of my heart,

I didn’t go anywhere last night baby,

I was in the car, thinking about us.

I know you complain about sex, it will change,

You know Fresh daddy can be all shades of gentle and romantic.

I know you didn’t cheat on me,

I was just jealous and angry that you would lie to me.

I’m ready to put all that behind us.

I’m writing to you because I’m ashamed,

I’ve been selfish and inconsiderate,

I wanted you all for myself and saw our children as a future threat,

Now I’m losing you.

I’m Ashamed that rather than be your cover I’ve been your competition,

Rather than wipe your tears I’ve brought you tears,

Rather than calm your fears I’ve brought you fears.

I know it’s been hard and rough but I want us to start again.

We can relocate if you want. I love you and I really want to be with you.

Adetoun mi, will you please marry me again?

-          And Hey sexy T, are we having a boy or girl? I’m thinking twins though. Prepare for a party later this afternoon. Love you forever.

‘Oh no! Olanrewaju no, I’m sorry baby, I’m ready, everything is going to be just right. Whether the world likes it or not this is our baby’

I was sad, I felt terrible, he wrote all of these and came back to all of Tunji. I understood his frustration. I picked my phone and ran back to the hospital. I just wanted to hold His hands and tell him everything was fine.

I got to the hospital and the nurses said the doctors were still with Olanrewaju. I sat down and then dialled my mum’s number.

‘Adetoun, are you okay?’

‘Oh mummy, I have failed, I need you so bad right now.’

‘I’m coming, where are you?’

‘At the hospital’

‘Hospital? Are you okay?’

‘We are not’

‘You and Lanre?’

‘I’m waiting for you mummy.’

I ended the call and continued to cry, I just hope that everything would be fine and Olanrewaju could look in my eyes, hear all my wrongs and still forgive me.

I looked up and saw the doctor. This had to be bad, He was looking my way and he was not smiling, He looked exhausted and devastated.

‘Doctor is everything okay? Can I see him please?’

Tunji also rushed after me to meet the doctor.

‘I’m sorry madam, things were really looking up but He gave up on us. We tried all we could to revive him. I’m sorry’

This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t going to work, Olanrewaju couldn’t possibly die, we were supposed to prepare for a party, our marriage was just about to start. I had not accepted his second proposal.

I broke down, I cried so much. Tunji kept saying he was sorry, I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t hear anything, all I could see was Olanrewaju.

My mum came in and walked towards us. ‘Adetoun, what happened?’

‘Mummy help me, mummy please’

‘What is wrong?’

‘Olanrewaju won’t wake up, Olanrewaju won’t talk to me, Olanrewaju won’t forgive me, tell Olanrewaju to wake up.’

My mum burst into tears, no one knew what had happened except for myself and Tunji. I wasn’t talking and he wasn’t talking either. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, I just looked into space. My mum made calls through to Olanrewaju’s family. Soon the hospital was full and the body had to be moved.

My mother-in-law asked that we all go home and then they can get the details of what really happened. I refused to get up, I stayed there crying. My mum drew closer to me and lifted me from the floor.

She gently patted my back and whispered in my ears ‘Adetoun let’s go home.’

THE END

That’s my story that’s my cross. It’s been three years since all these happened and my life hasn’t been the same. I had a boy and a girl but I still don’t know for sure who the father is.

My mother led me to Jesus and now my life belongs to him. I told her the truth of all that happened. She was the one who in wisdom explained to my in-laws. It was a difficult time but we all got through it.

I sincerely don’t know where Tunji is, I hated him when Olanrewaju died. My in-laws didn’t press charges, they accepted their fate.

Dear Friends,

Where you treasure is your heart will be. If your treasure is in your marriage, your heart will stay there. If your treasure is in social media, your heart will always be there to find influence.

I know God now and I can tell you He is worth it. I don’t have a perfect life but I have hope, I have so much desire for beginnings. My life no longer counts as a loss. Whatever I went to prepared me for today.

Don’t be careless around your house. Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.

Don’t be quick to destroy relationships because of rough patches. Sow seeds of patience and tolerance.

Lay a good foundation for yourself so you can build your life on it.

Be good and do your best to be right.

My mother usually says ‘Marriage is honourable the bed undefiled. Lay all your desires before God and He will make life worth it.’

I didn’t have these words when I needed them but I hope my children will always have a word for every phase.