‘Get rid?’ I couldn’t get it out of my head. What did Olanrewaju mean by that? He had no idea that the baby may not be His yet he was asking me to get rid simply because he wasn’t ready for a child. How ridiculous. I was upset with him but I cried all the more because I had to decide what I was going to do if the baby belonged to Tunji. I was so confused.
I thought deeply about my life and how things got so messy. I didn’t even know where to begin, I was ready to do everything to make things right but I just didn’t know how to. My world was falling apart, Olanrewaju wanted me to get rid of the baby because it wasn’t time, I wanted to get rid of it because it just may not be His.
I stayed in the sitting room all night, hoping and praying that this was all a dream. Maybe someone would come along and wake me up. Nothing like that happened, it was all for real, nothing had changed, not even the anger in Olanrewaju’s face as he sat across on the three sitter staring into my sleepy eyes.
‘Olanrewaju, I’m so sorry, it wasn’t intentional.’ I said as I rushed towards him.
He lifted me and put me back on the chair then he went into the room. I didn’t want to follow him because I wasn’t sure what he was capable of doing in his moment of anger. I stayed back and I buried myself in my thoughts. Olanrewaju was in the room for over an hour, when he stepped out, he didn’t say a word to me, he only smiled and said ‘I will see you tonight.’
Olanrewaju confused me a lot of times. I feigned a little smile and watched him leave. For a moment my mind flipped back to our engagement night. I was certain that Dayo had told him about Deyemi and I but he didn’t say a word, He went along with his planned proposal. Of course months into our marriage, I found out that he had been nursing that grudge but didn’t ask about it. Was this a repeat of the same cycle, was he going to cover it all up in a smile and never say a word about it. I was totally confused.
I needed someone to hold my hands and tell me that everything was going to be okay, I needed someone to talk to, I just wanted to hear the words that will set my misery right. I decided I wasn’t going to work, I will stay at home and find a way to right every wrong. As I thought about it all, I started to cry again. I was slipping into a dangerous cycle, I thought of calling my mum but what do I tell her, where do I begin the story. She had called me every single day since the wedding and my response had always been the same.
‘Yes mummy, everything is just fine, you shouldn’t worry so much about Olanrewaju and I, we are super great.’
‘How about the family prayer altar I mentioned. Have you started?’
‘Not yet mum but we will.’
She was always worried about how I was coping but I never mentioned anything to her. She had this picture that everything was rosy, I may not have heeded her advice on prayers and church, on the surface, she thought things were okay.
I went inside to get the mop bucket and stick, just to find a distraction. I started mopping the sitting room, of course this wasn’t a time to mop dry, I just needed a distraction, I would move the mop around, dipped it back in the can and repeat the same process again.
A knock on the gate interrupted my thoughts. Was Olarewaju back to pick something? Even though I wasn’t sure he was the one because he usually found his way to the door. I wasn’t even sure who to expect, I walked reluctantly to the gate and opened up without even asking who it was. And on seeing who it was, I knew my misery was about to take full delivery. Heeeeeee Heeeeeeee, it was Tunji, of course it was Tunji. I had foolishly described my house to him during one of our conversations and now he has returned the foolishness by visiting me in my husband’s house. How was he so bold, after our moment of passion, he had the effrontery to come by my house. What if I wasn’t home, What if Olanrewaju was home, what I would have done?
‘What in the world are you doing here Tunji? Please leave.’
‘Toun, I had to talk to you, you have refused picking my calls or replying my messages.’
‘What were you expecting Tunji, a warm welcome back into my arms after our show of shame. You should actually realise that if someone doesn’t pick your calls, they are not interested in talking to you.
‘I just need to explain some things to you. Please’
‘Don’t allow me destroy your legs with this gate, go away Tunji,’
I was so upset, upset that I allowed his hands on me, upset that he may be the father of my unborn child, upset that I allowed him mess up my marriage.
He put his foot forward and started pleading with me to hear him out.
‘Toun, I’m sorry, it was a mistake. My fiancé left me because she found out about us.’
‘Wow Tunji, I’m so sorry to hear that.’
I felt sorry for him, He was in tears, I was in tears. I walked him into the sitting room.
‘Please watch your steps, I was in the middle of cleaning.’
We both sat down and we talked amidst tears. He cried worse than I did, I held his hands to comfort him but we both cried the more.
He explained that he didn’t mean to take advantage of me, he didn’t know what took over him, he felt so attracted to me and he didn’t have control over it.
‘Even now Toun, I can’t get you out of my mind. I’m still in awe of your being.’
‘Stop it Tunji, I am married and I still regret all that happened between us. Please let’s stay away from each other. I’m trying my best to make my marriage work and nothing will change that.’
We must have been deep in our conversation because I didn’t even hear Olanrewaju come in from the gate. I suddenly heard the front door open, he probably had been standing behind the door listening to our conversation. As soon as he entered, Tunji and I stood up. This was trouble.
Olanrewaju was shaking, His eyes turned red, he dropped the red carrier bag he was holiding, rushed towards Tunji and gave him a punch.
‘Stop it Olanrewaju, I can explain. Please it is not what you think.’
‘She’s right sir, this is a big mistake.’
‘Mistake, it is a mistake that you can’t get your mind off my wife?’
Olanrewaju punched him again. Tunji intended to gently remove Olanrewaju’s hands, but I guess he was too forceful, Olanrewaju slipped on the wet floor and it was a very big fall.
‘Olanrewaju, Olanrewaju, Tunji what have you done? What have you done?
Olanrewaju wasn’t responding,
‘Talk to me Olanrewaju please.’
No response still. Tunji and I moved Olanrewaju to the hospital.
I didn’t say a word to Tunji, He made me give him the innocence of my marriage and now he was almost taking my husband away from me. I was super angry. I didn’t know what to do. Who do I call, how was I going to explain the cause of Olanrewaju’s fall, and what do I say. It was then I realised I had left my phone at home. I rushed back home so I could at least call the one person who could help me. My mum.
I rushed into the room to pick my phone and under the pillow beside my phone was a letter addressed to me. I opened it as quickly as I could.
My glory, My pride, My Jewel,
I know that the last couple of weeks, months have been really rough.
I know that our lives haven’t been perfect,
I can say that now I know we weren’t ready for this thing called marriage,
But I am certain that we can work it out
I love you from the depths of my heart,
I didn’t go anywhere last night baby,
I was in the car, thinking about us.
I know you complain about sex, it will change,
You know Fresh daddy can be all shades of gentle and romantic.
I know you didn’t cheat on me,
I was just jealous and angry that you would lie to me.
I’m ready to put all that behind us.
I’m writing to you because I’m ashamed,
I’ve been selfish and inconsiderate,
I wanted you all for myself and saw our children as a future threat,
Now I’m losing you.
I’m Ashamed that rather than be your cover I’ve been your competition,
Rather than wipe your tears I’ve brought you tears,
Rather than calm your fears I’ve brought you fears.
I know it’s been hard and rough but I want us to start again.
We can relocate if you want. I love you and I really want to be with you.
Adetoun mi, will you please marry me again?
- And Hey sexy T, are we having a boy or girl? I’m thinking twins though. Prepare for a party later this afternoon. Love you forever.
‘Oh no! Olanrewaju no, I’m sorry baby, I’m ready, everything is going to be just right. Whether the world likes it or not this is our baby’
I was sad, I felt terrible, he wrote all of these and came back to all of Tunji. I understood his frustration. I picked my phone and ran back to the hospital. I just wanted to hold His hands and tell him everything was fine.
I got to the hospital and the nurses said the doctors were still with Olanrewaju. I sat down and then dialled my mum’s number.
‘Adetoun, are you okay?’
‘Oh mummy, I have failed, I need you so bad right now.’
‘I’m coming, where are you?’
‘At the hospital’
‘Hospital? Are you okay?’
‘We are not’
‘You and Lanre?’
‘I’m waiting for you mummy.’
I ended the call and continued to cry, I just hope that everything would be fine and Olanrewaju could look in my eyes, hear all my wrongs and still forgive me.
I looked up and saw the doctor. This had to be bad, He was looking my way and he was not smiling, He looked exhausted and devastated.
‘Doctor is everything okay? Can I see him please?’
Tunji also rushed after me to meet the doctor.
‘I’m sorry madam, things were really looking up but He gave up on us. We tried all we could to revive him. I’m sorry’
This wasn’t happening, this wasn’t going to work, Olanrewaju couldn’t possibly die, we were supposed to prepare for a party, our marriage was just about to start. I had not accepted his second proposal.
I broke down, I cried so much. Tunji kept saying he was sorry, I didn’t feel anything, I didn’t hear anything, all I could see was Olanrewaju.
My mum came in and walked towards us. ‘Adetoun, what happened?’
‘Mummy help me, mummy please’
‘What is wrong?’
‘Olanrewaju won’t wake up, Olanrewaju won’t talk to me, Olanrewaju won’t forgive me, tell Olanrewaju to wake up.’
My mum burst into tears, no one knew what had happened except for myself and Tunji. I wasn’t talking and he wasn’t talking either. I didn’t want to leave the hospital, I just looked into space. My mum made calls through to Olanrewaju’s family. Soon the hospital was full and the body had to be moved.
My mother-in-law asked that we all go home and then they can get the details of what really happened. I refused to get up, I stayed there crying. My mum drew closer to me and lifted me from the floor.
She gently patted my back and whispered in my ears ‘Adetoun let’s go home.’
That’s my story that’s my cross. It’s been three years since all these happened and my life hasn’t been the same. I had a boy and a girl but I still don’t know for sure who the father is.
My mother led me to Jesus and now my life belongs to him. I told her the truth of all that happened. She was the one who in wisdom explained to my in-laws. It was a difficult time but we all got through it.
I sincerely don’t know where Tunji is, I hated him when Olanrewaju died. My in-laws didn’t press charges, they accepted their fate.
Where you treasure is your heart will be. If your treasure is in your marriage, your heart will stay there. If your treasure is in social media, your heart will always be there to find influence.
I know God now and I can tell you He is worth it. I don’t have a perfect life but I have hope, I have so much desire for beginnings. My life no longer counts as a loss. Whatever I went to prepared me for today.
Don’t be careless around your house. Whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well.
Don’t be quick to destroy relationships because of rough patches. Sow seeds of patience and tolerance.
Lay a good foundation for yourself so you can build your life on it.
Be good and do your best to be right.
My mother usually says ‘Marriage is honourable the bed undefiled. Lay all your desires before God and He will make life worth it.’
I didn’t have these words when I needed them but I hope my children will always have a word for every phase.