Tunji Ninalowo, I remember him well. Fine boy, always charming. Tunji was my course mate in the university and at every awards ceremony he received the Best Dressed Award, He was a very hot dresser. His request came as a surprise to me most especially because we weren’t friends back in school, we just said hi and each person moved on. We did have eye contacts every now and then but nothing came out of it, we never had a relationship or mistake kiss. He wasn’t my crush either, he was just someone I admired.
I responded to his request and he sent me a message instantly, we then got talking. From his first line, there was just something calming about having a conversation with him. We talked like we had been friends and there was never a break of any sort, it was like we just picked up from where we left off the day before. We talked about our days in school and how things have changed.
‘Toun shakara girl, You were always carrying yourself one kain. You didn’t even put your face down.’
‘So you could step on it abi’
‘You still have that sense of humour. Don’t lose it, it says something bright and positive about you’
‘Lol, you and your sweet mouth. So all you were doing in school was just forming, remember days when I would gist with some of your friends and no matter how hard they laughed you had your face squeezed like iron sponge.’
‘Lol, see washing o. You used to feel like one start na, fake girl’
‘You are not serious o Tunji, you sef fake.
‘You know as e dey go now.
We chatted for hours and we didn’t seem to run out of things to say. We made jokes and he said the sweetest things. I loved that it was easy to talk to him and I was more than delighted to carry on the conversation.
‘Hope I didn’t take too long Toun, had to attend to something urgently.’
‘It’s nothing jere.’
‘I see you are married. How’s married life?’
‘hmmmmmm, married life is there o. we are coping’
‘Lol you make it sound like its terrible work.’
‘Hey Tunji, can I respond to you later, need to run something by my boss.’
I had nothing to do, I just needed to take a little break. I felt the urge to tell him what was going on with my husband but again I thought to myself, I had just met him, can’t be washing my dirty linens in public just yet.
I avoided talking to him for hours. I guess when he was tired of waiting, he sent a message.
‘Okay let’s do this later, Can I have your contact?’
We exchanged numbers, and he promised to call later. I smiled as I saved his number as Tunji dresser as it brought back a number of school memories.
I’m certain Dayo would have been wondering who I was chatting withal through the ride home, because he kept looking my way. I felt it wasn’t his business anyway, wasn’t like I was doing anything wrong.
Tunji and I picked up our last conversation and I promised I was going to talk to him about my current situation later. He wasn’t married at the time but he had hinted that he was preparing for marriage. That made it easier, at least we both had partners and nothing could happen.
I was now a more organised wife. I got things ready in time and I was really getting better at home. All my hardwork was paying off and it made it easier to love Olanrewaju more.
He had his moments but he was a good man. He provided everything and made sure that I lacked nothing. The fact that I was working didn’t stop him from giving me allowance. He was sweet, I just wanted more, wanted him to be calmer and stop getting so easily angered, and sex too, he needed to stop charging at me as though he wanted to rape me.
That night, Olanrewaju and I didn’t talk much as we were both glued to our phones, I was chatting with Tunji but I wasn’t sure what Olanrewaju was doing. We were both in the living room but just not speaking to each other. My phone rang and behold it was Tunji, why in the world was he calling me, we were both chatting. I let the phone ring because I couldn’t pick while Olanrewaju was there. Just as I was about to send a message to Tunji that it was a bad time to call, my phone rang again and I immediately put it on silence.
‘Why aren’t you taking your calls? Who is it?’
‘It’s mummy I know what she’s going to say and I would rather save myself the stress.’
I lied to Olanrewaju, I always tried to stay truthful to him but tonight, the lie just flowed. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how he would feel if I had said I was chatting with an old friend. I don’t know, I think I just didn’t want him to know about it.
I decided to go into the room, call Tunji and tell him not to call at that hour. But as I made my move, Olanrewaju asked to see my phone but I told him I was busy with it. He said he only wanted to check something. I couldn’t give him, I didn’t know what to do. I lied about the call and he was going to find out.
I reluctantly gave him the phone. He certainly saw that it was Tunji dresser that called and not my mum because he shook his head, dropped my phone on the chair and walked into the room. I felt ashamed, didn’t really know what to say and I just felt sad at the fact that this didn’t wear a good look at all. The fact that he remained silent made matters worse.
I think that night was the beginning of Olanrewaju’s insecurities and trust issues. Things got a bit messy. He wasn’t sure why I would lie to me and so he came up with the idea that I had been lying to him all along.
Olanrewaju had things in his mind against me, he didn’t forget my episode with Deyemi infront of the office. Of course big mouthed Dayo told him as I expected. He asked me how many other guys were there. We argued and fought a lot and it just seemed like he was never going to trust me. I knew what I should have done was to stop talking to Tunji, I knew I shouldn’t have gotten close to him but I didn’t want to stop talking to Tunji, we had only just started being friends and frankly I needed someone to talk to after Olanrewaju’s episodes, I needed someone to offload to.
Tunji seemed to be my calming pill. There was always something comforting about our conversations. So I continued to talk to him and then hid it from Olanrewaju, He didn’t trust me anyway so there was nothing to it anymore.
Olanrewaju became withdrawn and very petty. He shouted and made accusations. Funny thing was he didn’t even allow me explain. Given that I was wrong for lying, we could talk and reason but he wasn’t even giving the chance. The wider the gap between Olanrewaju and I the closer Tunji and I became.
It wasn’t like we fought every second, we talked, we ate together, we even had sex. But we were just doing these things, we weren’t at peace. We constantly watched each other. It was the most frustrating time of my life.
Tunji was my adviser, I would run to him or call him whenever I needed to talk. We had graduated from just phone conversations, if it was serious I would hook up with him at his house or an eatery. He was the one I shared my troubles with and Olanrewaju became the one I had all the troubles with.
Funny thing is that we still had fun moments a couple of times but deep within we knew things weren’t right but rather than talk about them, we were gathering up evidences to use against each other, we were filled with so much doubt that we just wanted the other person to be guilty.
One day after one of our usual arguments, I went to see Tunji at home. I cried bitterly and my heart was broken. I longed for the days when there was nothing grey, and my cooking was the only issue, the fights were exhausting.
Tunji drew me close to himself and tried to calm me. Told me how I deserved the best and I shouldn’t blame myself for all that had happened. His words were comforting, His hands soon became just as comforting as his words. He gently ran his fingers behind my ears and they soon moved to deeper. This was something I would beg Olanrewaju to do, and here was a man who knew just what to do. I wanted him to stop as much as I wanted him to continue. So I gently mourned for him to stop but I guess he knew that was a signal for him to continue.
I was tempted to say Tunji took advantage of my weak moment but again I didn’t want him to stop. How could something so wrong feel so right. It was wrong, it felt good, I felt good, I felt shame, I felt bad all at the same time.
As I put my cloth back on, I could feel Tunji’s eyes over me and that made me swim deeper in my pool of shame. I allowed this to happen. I was careless, I put myself in this exact position. It wasn’t about what Olanrewaju was doing wrong, it was about the steps I took to make it right or worse.
This failure on my part was about to reset my brain. I was miserable, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t say a word to Olanrewaju, he must have thought I wasn’t feeling well because he had brought me a cup of tea and asked me to take a shower so I can feel better. I rejected the tea but I certainly took that shower and I scrubbed dangerously hard, I still couldn’t scrub Tunji’s hands off my body, I felt them.
Days and weeks went by. I tried to be as calm as I could, I didn’t want Olanrewaju to notice anything, I didn’t take any of Tunji’s calls. I was now ready to do everything to gain Olanrewaju’s trust and make things work. I wanted to focus on us. I knew things could be better because we still cared a lot about each other and Olanrewaju was still the love my life. I just wasn’t sure why I had to do something wrong to start the right.
A day to my birthday, I started to feel very sick and uncomfortable. I couldn’t even focus on work, had to leave to visit the hospital. I got to the hospital and they ran some tests, I waited for the result so as to know the drugs I would need. Nothing in the entire world prepared me for the news that met my ears.
‘Congratulations Madam, you are six weeks pregnant.’
Without a word, without care, I burst into tears, I was practically wailing. I wasn’t crying because Olanrewaju had insisted that we do not have babies immediately and we had cut his three years plan to two years. I wasn’t crying because a part of me didn’t want to have a child yet. I wasn’t crying because I dint know how Olanrewaju will take it, I was crying at the possibility that Tunji might be the father of my unborn child.
It was all over. I didn’t go back to the office, I went home to drown myself in my misery. Nothing was ever supposed to happen with Tunji. He was just supposed to stay my friend, someone I could talk to.
As soon as I heard Olanrewaju come in, I didn’t even know what to do, I tried to dry my tears but they just kept flowing, I couldn’t control myself.
‘Adetoun, are you okay? Did something happen? Why are you crying?
I raised my voice and cried the more.
‘Talk to me dear, what is wrong?
‘I am pregnant Olanrewaju, I found out today.’
‘Get rid of it.’ Olanrewaju looked at me for a final time that night and walked out of the house.
- · Avoid grudges, don’t keep record of your partner’s wrongs. Talk about your issues
- · If you start to feel too comfortable with someone other than your man. RUN
- · Passion and Sexual desires can spring up anywhere and anytime. Don’t always think you are strong enough.
- · That you have issues with your partner doesn’t mean that you are out of love, it is just a natural phase.
- · Don’t run into the hands of a waiting devourer, find contentment in your home.
- · Once you start lying, you should always start getting scared.