….. Marry him? Was this for real, he wasn’t going to ask me about the man who gently hugged me outside the office, he wasn’t going nag about how uncomfortable that made him, I don’t understand. Was this a silly joke, different thoughts ran in my head as we knelt facing each other. We held each other’s gaze for few seconds, I was just staring in shock.
‘Sexy T, is it a bad time?’ Lol, excuse me see Mr Williams, bad time, I dey kolo? Me that in my mind I had already said yes, the thing hasn’t just escaped my lips.
‘Yes Olanrewaju, a million years from now it will still be yes.’
He got up with so much excitement and shouted ‘She said Yes’. As if that was the cue for their grand entrance, his friends rushed in, popping and jumping ‘she don gree o, Fresh don hook.’ ‘Baba Fresh keep eye one place now o, no dey do korokoro’ ‘Sexy T, Fresh, we are ready.’
They were just saying all sorts and making merry. I felt like the queen in the palace, I couldn’t contain my joy, I had tears in my eyes, laughter in my mouth. I was on the chair processing my thoughts, when he picked me and carried me like a baby, all the guys shouted ‘heeeeeeeeeeeeeee’. It was like a movie, as much as I had wanted this so bad, it still felt unexpected and too good to be true.
That night was everything I had hoped it would be. We spent it declaring love and flooding our social media pages. Comments were sweeping in, ‘You both look perfect together.’ ‘This is beautiful.’ ‘Baddest couple’ ‘We are counting down maami.’ ‘Mrs Williams to be, Oshey.’
I enjoyed the attention, we read comments after comments and replied the ones we could. It was just lovely to watch people support our relationship so much. My heart was filled with great joy. At about 2am, we were ready to sleep, he wrapped me sweetly in his arms and I knew I was home, right where I wanted to be.
The morning brought so much joy and hope, called friends and family to share the good news and inform them that we had a wedding to plan. The more I thought about wedding, the more excited I got. My life was about to change forever, Awon when will marry clan will finally have work to do, maybe now they can wait for my children because I plan on having them right away, I have heard severally that women age faster and I didn’t want to wait a minute before having children, He hits me once, I get pregnant twice.
I remember my mum asking if I was ready to be married, right from the onset she never bothered me about marriage, she always encouraged to wait and not rush into it. You see my mother married quite late and at a time when no one was putting pressure, society wasn’t waiting endlessly for pre wedding shoots, friends were waiting impatiently for proposal gist and engagement party, it was not in a time when having children at 30 was considered old and late. I mean there may have been worries about her getting married late but there was no pressure, life was simple, houses were simple, man sought the good of another, women encouraged one another, they didn’t oppress, they helped each other get through hard times in marriage not laugh at them, they sincerely listened and cared, they didn’t make memes of friend’s predicament and then post on social media. I guess my point is she married late at a time when what really mattered was sincerity and a heart that saw through the needs of others.
I am in a time when the exact opposite is happening. I have to keep up appearances, I know you are reading this now and you are saying maybe I brought this upon myself, I wasn’t forced to give in to pressures. You may be right however, it is what it is, our society dictates and we follow, if you know better at the early stage, good for you. In my case I was lucky to have a mother who didn’t even pose any problem, that’s very unusual for a Yoruba mother in her late 60s. I was the one who was worried for myself.
‘Hi mum, I got an engagement ring from Olanrewaju, it’s beautiful.’
‘Are you happy?’
‘More than happy mummy, it is just perfect. I’m coming over, wedding plans start immediately.’
‘You know I always say there’s no rush Adetoun, but if it is what you want and you are ready, I’m with you and will give my blessings’
‘Thank you mummy, I love you.’
Since I lost my dad, my mum has been everything to me, her love and strength is the reason I made it through and here I was, planning a wedding. Unbelievable. Olanrewaju had met my mum severally, though they don’t say much, she approved of him in a way. My mum doesn’t talk much, ever since dad died, she has been in her shell, seemed like she learnt some hard lessons and she just saw life as really fleeting. She took life so calmly and wouldn’t stress in anyway, she would always say ‘eni ni Jesu lo loun gbogbo.’ My mother is a follower of Christ, dedicated and passionate, but she never forced us to go to church or anything, she allowed us make our choices and always encouraged us to stay away from trouble.
I won’t bore you with the details of wedding preparation but you should know that money was spent. It was elaborate, Olanrewaju se bebe. It was an all-white beautiful garden wedding, people came out in their numbers to support us. Our wedding was talked about, in fact it was everywhere. Our vows were perfect, I remember that all the way through Olanrewaju’s vows, I was in tears.
Sexy T, Adetoun aya Olanrewaju,
I love you not just because you are sexy, but for who I am with you,
I vow to be true and faithful to you,
I vow to love and serve you as long as we both shall live,
I accept you with all your wrongs, fears and wahala
I vow to help you when you need help,
I vow that for me you will be the only one I turn to. I give myself to you now and for the rest of my life I will keep giving all of myself to you babe. I love you more
I cried and forgot I had make up on, it was a battle to fix my make-up perfectly again but the tears were worth every single line.
After this emotional phase, his uncle who was the father of the day spoke to us and encouraged us. And as he spoke, reality began to dawn.
‘of course by now you would know the number of children you desire and when you want them, not as though you are the one who makes children but there’s a need to plan and agree together as God helps you, God will not bless disagreements, He will bless what you have agreed upon,’ ‘you will need to understand each other’s needs, favourite spot, meals, colour, things that brighten up your mood if anything should ever go wrong.’
‘It’s not going to be about body and beauty anymore, it going to be the heart. Helping each other and staying true.’ ‘There will be times all you can do is pray……….’
As these words came out, I felt a slight disturbance within me and I started to think. I didn’t know Olanrewaju that much, we had spent the last six months loving up, showing up and showing off. For us it was just the fact that we loved each other, we never really talked in-depth about plans, I didn’t know how many children he wanted and when. So many things were flashing in my mind, so many things I didn’t know, I have never seen him angry, will he get angry with me in marriage, what would his reaction be. Funny thing was we never even as much as said in Jesus name during our courtship. Thank God was our anthem though. Right now as these words sank, I suddenly didn’t have an idea anymore but one thing was sure, our love will go a long way.
These things kept bothering me but I stayed beautiful and cheerful through the ceremony. It was indeed an amazing ceremony, we danced so hard, I was so surprised at Olanrewaju’s moves, didn’t know he danced so well. It was amazing.
In about few hours, the show was over, and we were alone in the hotel room, everything silent and it was just us again. Olanrewaju had booked a room for us in one of the most expensive hotels. He had promised we would travel on his next leave as he only took a week out for the wedding.
As we gisted about the wedding, I thought of talking to him about the things I had on my mind but he had other plans.
‘It was perfect dear, was it all you wanted??’
Before I could say another word, he picked me up, threw me on the bed and almost ate me up, he made love to me, fast and rough. Not quite the way I imagined the first night. I know we had been doing it, but I just thought wedding night would be different, matter of fact I didn’t think we would have any sexual something that night, I just wanted us to talk, stay in each other’s arms and dream of the future.
As he got off my naked body, He looked into my eyes and said ‘That was good babe.’
Then he slept happily as I watched in disbelief.
Learn from me:
v A grand wedding ceremony doesn’t mean a grand marriage.
v When you have had sex too many times in your relationship and with different men, you go into marriage with an expectation and a pre conceived sexual orientation, when it doesn’t match, you are frustrated.
v That you are celebrated on social media does not mean it is a perfect match.
v Vows are mere words until they are backed up by actions. You may want to save the tears till good actions actually push you to real tears
v You better plan, You better talk, You better know.
v Love is not all there is to sustain a marriage. There’s a kind of love you should mix with the special romantic love you feel for your partner and once that is missing, you may just go crazy.