…. Our honeymoon was all about food, sex, more food and more sex. I didn’t get the chance to talk to Olanrewaju as I would have wanted to. He said the idea of honeymoon was to relax from the stress of planning a wedding and to feel refreshed as the journey of marriage began so he didn’t entertain any form of serious conversation. It wasn’t the honeymoon I had hoped for but it was all good.
Honeymoon swiftly came to an end and it time to face reality and live the Mrs Life. I packed up and looked round the hotel room to be sure that we had not left anything behind. All seemed ready to go. I picked up my hand bag and the smaller box then called out to Olanrewaju who was in the bathroom.
‘Hurry up Olanrewaju, let’s get going’
‘Okay love, I will be out in a second’
I left the room to wait for Olarewaju in the car, so we wouldn’t waste any more time. I was downstairs for close to fifteen minutes waiting for Olanrewaju, but he still was nowhere in sight. I decided to go back upstairs to check on him. To my surprise, Olanrewaju was on the bed playing a game on his tab.
‘Olanrewaju, I’ve been waiting downstairs for you, what are you doing?
‘Nothing now, I’ve been waiting for you to come and carry the second bag so we can go.’
My mouth was opened in shock.
‘You were waiting for me to come and carry the second bag? I thought you would carry it and meet me downstairs.’
‘Please babe just carry it, let’s go, I don’t want to pause this game.’
I wanted to argue further, but I let it go, wouldn’t he pause the game when he started to drive? It just wasn’t funny but frankly, I was not in the mood.
It took Olarenwaju another fifteen minutes to move the car and that wasn’t until he lost the round.
‘oooooooohhhhhhhh’ He cried out like a child who couldn’t find his box of chocolate and then started to drive. Honestly I was upset, but I just didn’t want to start a fight or argument.
When we got home, believe me, Olanrewaju again left the bags for me to carry into the house as he gently strolled in and jumped on the couch. This time I had to say something.
‘Babe, you should have at least helped with one bag rather than allowing me carry everything.’
‘Adetoun, you complain about everything, just let it go, you have carried the bags so let’s move on.’
‘You know what, just forget it.’
I went into the room, dropped our boxes, took a shower and then I slept. I slept for close to three hours and when I woke up, Olanrewaju was at the same spot I left him, only now he was with his tab playing again.
‘Olanrewaju, you didn’t move since we got back, at least change into something else.’
‘I will soon.’
‘Can we talk?’
‘Yes babe, anything the matter?’
‘Nothing at all, just thought we could discuss and make a list of things we need,’
‘Adetoun, you know that I love you very much and you mean the world to me. You have me and I have you. Until the children start coming, we can get the best of each other’
Children? I was excited, I liked the sound of that.
‘I love you too and can’t wait to have our children, I know that our firstborn born will definitely be a girl, she would add a lot of colour to our first wedding anniversary pictures.’
I expected Olanrewaju to argue sweetly that he wanted a boy first, but his response shocked me.
‘What? First wedding anniversary pictures?, why the rush? I don’t want children until three years into our wedding.’
My head was banging, say what?
‘Olanrewaju, please do you know how old I am? So you want me to have my first child at the age of 33 or 34, God forbid. If I have the first at 33, it then means that our second and last child will come when I am 36. Never
‘Adetoun, whoever said anything about having two children? I want them late but I want them many, maybe four.’
‘Olanrewaju, please let’s stop talking, I’m just totally in another world right now. How in the world did we miss talking about these things? I’m lost, I can’t start having children at 33, I really can’t and I don’t know how I’m going to handle four children. Wow wow wow.’
I started to cry loudly, I couldn’t control it anymore.
Olanrewaju came close to me, lifted me to his chest and consoled me, told me not to worry.
‘We are just few days into this, let’s take our time.’
I knew we were simply moving the day of doom forward. I was just sick. Didn’t know what to think anymore. He drew me closer in his embrace and apologised. Told him he had to be willing to see things from my side. I wasn’t getting any younger and we both had to work things out.
He pet me a little longer and then we decided to see a movie, as if to drown all our sorrows.
‘Adetoun, you need to go to the market to get foodstuff so you can start making me some sexy looking delicacies and taking care of our home.’
I wasn’t sure I heard right. I’m not used to the all day in the kitchen kind of lifestyle and even when we were in a relationship, he didn’t seem like that kind of guy either. As a way of clarification, I asked when we would start hiring domestic staff.
‘Olanrewaju, can I start looking out for a maid, someone to assist with the house chores and all, she would live here with us.’
‘Maid? No way babe, I’m not letting a stranger live with us. All that was okay when we were in a relationship, but now that we have each other, all that responsibility falls on you. I already asked even the part time domestic staff to stop working, for the first year of marriage or more, we don’t need strangers moving up and down in our home.’
I couldn’t keep my mouth closed. No need for helps? He asked the gateman, laundry woman and cleaner to stop work? My misery just began.
‘But Lanre I can’t handle all the house chores alone, it is going ……..’
He didn’t even allow me speak before he cut in.
‘Says the woman who wants children immediately. If you start having children now, I’m sure we would need a maid for each person, Lanre’s maid. Adetoun’s maid and baby’s maid.’ As he said that he just burst out laughing. That was really annoying, I wanted to scream.
‘All this wasn’t a bother when we were in a relationship, you allowed strangers do all the work and it was just fine.’
‘We are married now, Adetoun and that’s what married people do. I wasn’t married to you then and I couldn’t possibly be asking you to do all the work that I couldn’t do by myself.’
‘What you are saying now is that we really wouldn’t have a maid in this house.’
‘No staff at all. We need our privacy, even security, we can always secure each other’
I just went quiet, I didn’t know what to think. I haven’t been a very homely girl and all my life I had always known I would definitely have a maid in marriage. My mum used to complain when I stayed with her, she said I was too lazy and she hopes marriage changes all that.
‘Mummy leave me, I will work a little when I’m married and the maid will do the rest, I can’t die o. Wash, cook, sweep, mop, and somebody will still climb on top of me later, that one is hard labour.’
I remember that my mum and I had laughed over it that day, but this present day wasn’t funny at all, seemed like all I had hoped marriage would be had come to be the exact opposite. My world was changing forever.
- · If you want to be good at it in marriage, start practicing now.
- · A lazy man won’t change overnight. If you have a man that the only time he lifts his hand to help you is when he brings it out of his pocket, watch out. Someone who will support and help you will use his hands to work for you.
- · Courtship and Marriage aren’t so different, there’s just a revised edition. Courtship is primary school while marriage is university. Every stage of Friendship to courtship is a time that should ultimately prepare you for marriage.
- · Never neglect signs in your relationship. Don’t take everything as enjoyment. Be concerned and learn to do your part even when you have not been asked.
- · Don’t just go with the flow. That marriage is next after courtship doesn’t mean all courtship must lead to marriage.