Mrs to Misery Part 3

….. Marry him? Was this for real, he wasn’t going to ask me about the man who gently hugged me outside the office, he wasn’t going nag about how uncomfortable that made him, I don’t understand. Was this a silly joke, different thoughts ran in my head as we knelt facing each other. We held each other’s gaze for few seconds, I was just staring in shock.

‘Sexy T, is it a bad time?’ Lol, excuse me see Mr Williams, bad time, I dey kolo? Me that in my mind I had already said yes, the thing hasn’t just escaped my lips.

‘Yes Olanrewaju, a million years from now it will still be yes.’

He got up with so much excitement and shouted ‘She said Yes’. As if that was the cue for their grand entrance, his friends rushed in, popping and jumping ‘she don gree o, Fresh don hook.’ ‘Baba Fresh keep eye one place now o, no dey do korokoro’ ‘Sexy T, Fresh, we are ready.’

They were just saying all sorts and making merry. I felt like the queen in the palace, I couldn’t contain my joy, I had tears in my eyes, laughter in my mouth. I was on the chair processing my thoughts, when he picked me and carried me like a baby, all the guys shouted ‘heeeeeeeeeeeeeee’. It was like a movie, as much as I had wanted this so bad, it still felt unexpected and too good to be true.

That night was everything I had hoped it would be. We spent it declaring love and flooding our social media pages. Comments were sweeping in, ‘You both look perfect together.’ ‘This is beautiful.’ ‘Baddest couple’ ‘We are counting down maami.’ ‘Mrs Williams to be, Oshey.’

I enjoyed the attention, we read comments after comments and replied the ones we could. It was just lovely to watch people support our relationship so much. My heart was filled with great joy. At about 2am, we were ready to sleep, he wrapped me sweetly in his arms and I knew I was home, right where I wanted to be.

The morning brought so much joy and hope, called friends and family to share the good news and inform them that we had a wedding to plan. The more I thought about wedding, the more excited I got. My life was about to change forever, Awon when will marry clan will finally have work to do, maybe now they can wait for my children because I plan on having them right away, I have heard severally that women age faster and I didn’t want to wait a minute before having children, He hits me once, I get pregnant twice.

I remember my mum asking if I was ready to be married, right from the onset she never bothered me about marriage, she always encouraged to wait and not rush into it. You see my mother married quite late and at a time when no one was putting pressure, society wasn’t waiting endlessly for pre wedding shoots, friends were waiting impatiently for proposal gist and engagement party, it was not in a time when having children at 30 was considered old and late. I mean there may have been worries about her getting married late but there was no pressure, life was simple, houses were simple, man sought the good of another, women encouraged one another, they didn’t oppress, they helped each other get through hard times in marriage not laugh at them, they sincerely listened and cared, they didn’t make memes of friend’s predicament and then post on social media. I guess my point is she married late at a time when what really mattered was sincerity and a heart that saw through the needs of others.

I am in a time when the exact opposite is happening. I have to keep up appearances, I know you are reading this now and you are saying maybe I brought this upon myself, I wasn’t forced to give in to pressures. You may be right however, it is what it is, our society dictates and we follow, if you know better at the early stage, good for you. In my case I was lucky to have a mother who didn’t even pose any problem, that’s very unusual for a Yoruba mother in her late 60s. I was the one who was worried for myself.

‘Hi mum, I got an engagement ring from Olanrewaju, it’s beautiful.’

‘Are you happy?’

‘More than happy mummy, it is just perfect. I’m coming over, wedding plans start immediately.’

‘You know I always say there’s no rush Adetoun, but if it is what you want and you are ready, I’m with you and will give my blessings’

‘Thank you mummy, I love you.’

Since I lost my dad, my mum has been everything to me, her love and strength is the reason I made it through and here I was, planning a wedding. Unbelievable. Olanrewaju had met my mum severally, though they don’t say much, she approved of him in a way. My mum doesn’t talk much, ever since dad died, she has been in her shell, seemed like she learnt some hard lessons and she just saw life as really fleeting. She took life so calmly and wouldn’t stress in anyway, she would always say ‘eni ni Jesu lo loun gbogbo.’ My mother is a follower of Christ, dedicated and passionate, but she never forced us to go to church or anything, she allowed us make our choices and always encouraged us to stay away from trouble.

I won’t bore you with the details of wedding preparation but you should know that money was spent. It was elaborate, Olanrewaju se bebe. It was an all-white beautiful garden wedding, people came out in their numbers to support us. Our wedding was talked about, in fact it was everywhere. Our vows were perfect, I remember that all the way through Olanrewaju’s vows, I was in tears.

Sexy T, Adetoun aya Olanrewaju,

I love you not just because you are sexy, but for who I am with you,

I vow to be true and faithful to you,

I vow to love and serve you as long as we both shall live,

I accept you with all your wrongs, fears and wahala

I vow to help you when you need help,

I vow that for me you will be the only one I turn to. I give myself to you now and for the rest of my life I will keep giving all of myself to you babe. I love you more

I cried and forgot I had make up on, it was a battle to fix my make-up perfectly again but the tears were worth every single line.

After this emotional phase, his uncle who was the father of the day spoke to us and encouraged us. And as he spoke, reality began to dawn.

‘of course by now you would know the number of children you desire and when you want them, not as though you are the one who makes children but there’s a need to plan and agree together as God helps you, God will not bless disagreements, He will bless what you have agreed upon,’ ‘you will need to understand each other’s needs, favourite spot, meals, colour, things that brighten up your mood if anything should ever go wrong.’

‘It’s not going to be about body and beauty anymore, it going to be the heart. Helping each other and staying true.’ ‘There will be times all you can do is pray……….’

As these words came out, I felt a slight disturbance within me and I started to think. I didn’t know Olanrewaju that much, we had spent the last six months loving up, showing up and showing off. For us it was just the fact that we loved each other, we never really talked in-depth about plans, I didn’t know how many children he wanted and when. So many things were flashing in my mind, so many things I didn’t know, I have never seen him angry, will he get angry with me in marriage, what would his reaction be. Funny thing was we never even as much as said in Jesus name during our courtship. Thank God was our anthem though. Right now as these words sank, I suddenly didn’t have an idea anymore but one thing was sure, our love will go a long way.

These things kept bothering me but I stayed beautiful and cheerful through the ceremony. It was indeed an amazing ceremony, we danced so hard, I was so surprised at Olanrewaju’s moves, didn’t know he danced so well. It was amazing.

In about few hours, the show was over, and we were alone in the hotel room, everything silent and it was just us again. Olanrewaju had booked a room for us in one of the most expensive hotels. He had promised we would travel on his next leave as he only took a week out for the wedding.

As we gisted about the wedding, I thought of talking to him about the things I had on my mind but he had other plans.

‘It was perfect dear, was it all you wanted??’

‘Yes babe’

Before I could say another word, he picked me up, threw me on the bed and almost ate me up, he made love to me, fast and rough. Not quite the way I imagined the first night. I know we had been doing it, but I just thought wedding night would be different, matter of fact I didn’t think we would have any sexual something that night, I just wanted us to talk, stay in each other’s arms and dream of the future.

As he got off my naked body, He looked into my eyes and said ‘That was good babe.’

Then he slept happily as I watched in disbelief.

Learn from me:

v  A grand wedding ceremony doesn’t mean a grand marriage.

v  When you have had sex too many times in your relationship and with different men, you go into marriage with an expectation and a pre conceived sexual orientation, when it doesn’t match, you are frustrated.

v  That you are celebrated on social media does not mean it is a perfect match.

v  Vows are mere words until they are backed up by actions. You may want to save the tears till good actions actually push you to real tears

v  You better plan, You better talk, You better know.

v  Love is not all there is to sustain a marriage. There’s a kind of love you should mix with the special romantic love you feel for your partner and once that is missing, you may just go crazy.

MRS TO MISERY PART 2

…… Olanrewaju never officially asked me out, but with the way I felt about him, he didn’t require my permission to love me. It was beautiful, this was all I ever prayed for, a man of fine qualities and with very high chemistry. We were made for each other definitely and you know every day I looked into Olanrewaju’s eyes and I kept wondering where he had been all my life.

‘Sexy T’ that was what Lanre called me specially. He was just sweet, he made me feel like I was the only woman in the world, he was the original bae.

‘Yes love’ I answered as I walked out of the bedroom in my bra and bum shorts. I sat calmly on his legs as he cuddled me into his arms. Olanrewaju gently planted a soft kiss on my forehead and I smiled back in the most adorable way. I had been spending a lot of time with him in his apartment even though he didn’t allow me do anything, we ate out most times and he had domestic staff who came in once in a while to fix things.

I was living the life, even a queen wouldn’t live it more than I was.

‘How would you like to work in Dayo’s company? He needs an administrative personnel and I asked if he could hire you.’

I had been job hunting for about three years and somehow this fine man was about to put all that to an end. Talk about full package.

I wrapped my arms around Olanrewaju and slowly kissed his lips. ‘Yes babe, I would love that. Thank you so much.’

It was amazing how my life was falling into place because of one man. Actually, There is something about myself that I haven’t told you. I’m a sick lover, when I am in love with someone, I can forget every other person, you know it’s like something just covers my eyes and all I can see is the man turning my brain. All I would become interested in is showing the world how happy I am. I can post a picture and write ‘@MrWilliams, when bae is hot,’ but what actually played on my mind before the post was, ‘here you go o, to those that have been waiting, love has found my address o, ntoi’.

I remember that a friend sent me a message one time and was asking why I had Olanrewaju all over social media considering the fact that I just met him. till this day Wendy hasn’t said a word to me, because I schooled her well., I told her it was none of her business and I am certain she doesn’t wish me well.

‘Wendy, you liked me more when I was lonely and miserable, what’s wrong in expressing my love? Abegi say something else and don’t frustrate me. It is my love I can wish to love anyhow.’ I was just talking uncontrollably, it was like say anything bad about my relationship and hear something bad.

‘Hello Wendy, are you there?’ there was dead silence at the other end, I could tell she was upset but I wasn’t really bothered.

‘Goodbye Toun.’ The call ended. Whatever that meant, I was just glad to get rid of every bad blood hovering around my love life. While I loved Olanrewaju, I lost friends, not intentionally but because I got so wrapped up in Olanrewaju’s life and every other thing seemed like a distraction even my priced friendship, communication reduced and some eventually got lost.

Everyone struggled for my attention. I remember that at some point I had changed my name to Yeye(Madam) Williams on Instagram, this girl was deep in it. Olanrewaju pampered me, I was practically living in his home. There was this time his laundry woman annoyed me, believe it or not Olanrewaju fired her. He wasn’t in the league of guys who would say cook for me, wash for me, this and that, no housemaid duties with Mr Williams, I exercised my rights fully as madam of the house.

‘Mama Ibeji these are the clothes, please make sure you wash them well, the last time there were some stains on my pink top, couldn’t wear it but I’ve added it to these ones.’ Mama Ibeji was Olanrewaju’s laundry woman.

‘Okay aunty Toun, no vex, I go wash this one well’ she replied.

As I was about leaving, she called me back and asked to speak with me. If she had known, she never would have said a word.

‘Aunty Toun, I see say you no dey too cook for this house, everytime na so so eatery pack dey full house, good woman dey help im husband manage things, no be to dey spend money yafunyafun. No man wey no like good home made food o’

She must have mistook my silence for interest because she continued to blab. ‘my friend Iya Ebuka, na so im wife no sabi cook anything, everytime Ebuka go call im mama make e come cook, see ehn last last na broom dem take chase Cynthia comot, she dey im mama house now dey learn, na inside tears she dey take learn now.’

This woman must think I have time for all her story telling.

‘Mama Ibeji please don’t ever try this nonsense with me again. If your children are slaving for men up and down, that’s their problem, but I am not a slave, do the job you have been hired to do and mind your business.’

See me see laundry woman, what nerve. She opened her mouth as if to say something but my legs were faster, before she could say Ha, I was in the living room. I was so upset, but I decided not to say anything to Olanrewaju on phone, this was a face gist. I waited patiently for his return and when he got back, I didn’t allow him find a balance before I narrated my ordeal. He was furious, right there and then he called Mama Ibeji on phone and asked her not to return to his house anymore. That was wow, he defended me well, everything in my body was screaming Yekpa. What! Oga just put a ring on it already.

‘Babe just find a replacement for mama Ibeji and let me know what she’s charging, okay?’

‘Thank you Olanrewaju, I will.’

My sleep that night was different, I didn’t fold myself on the bed, I slept loose, hands in the air, even the bed knew I had authority. Everything just felt right.

I most definitely remember this night, I dreamt of marriage, it was as real as my authority on Mr William’s bed.

A week after this episode, I resumed duties at Olanrewaju’s friends office, it was a really nice place and my office was beautiful, my office was directly opposite Dayo’s office, that didn’t bother me in anyway. This simply gave me the assurance that Olanrewaju was keeping his jewel close.

Dayo was a really nice guy and he gave me all the help I needed. He was always checking on me, he made lunch available everyday and I could tell that Olanrewaju had given him strict warnings to watch over me. Because if I didn’t know better, I would have thought Dayo had a crush on me. He was more of a friend than boss.

I usually close at 4pm, most times I would have to wait for Olanrewaju to pick me up and days when he couldn’t make it, Dayo would drop me off. Since I met Olanrewaju, the days of okada and danfo rolled away. I was either in his car or uber to the rescue. I was bad like that.

One afternoon, I was infront of the office waiting for a parcel when I heard someone call my name.

‘Adetounmi’

No No No, somebody wake me up from my misery, I didn’t need a soothsayer to tell me that was Adeyemi. Oh no, what did he want, I wouldn’t want Dayo to meet me standing out here with a guy.

‘Deyemi, it’s been a while.’

‘Haba Adetoun, is that how you would greet a friend? Where have you been? Long time no see. You refused picking up my calls and wouldn’t even call me back, not even a response to my messages.’

‘I have been busy with work and life. I wouldn’t even want to stay out here for long because my boss may come for me anytime soon.’

‘That’s fine Adetounmi, I will give you a call later if you would pick. I still love you and would want to spend the rest of my life with you.’

I smiled inside, and in a funny way I thought about the days when Deyemi and I were in touch, how sweet and gentle he was and he was still that man. He didn’t care so much that I had not been giving him attention, he still wanted me. Again as always I felt pity for him.

‘I have to go now Deyemi, call me though.’

He moved towards me gave me a gentle hug, as I turned to go into the office, I met with Dayo. That was not a good sign, I didn’t know what was going through his mind now and I trust his big mouthed self to tell everything to Olanrewaju.

‘Did the parcel arrive yet?’

‘Not yet.’

It was brief and cold. I walked past him into the office and I honestly didn’t know what to think. I decided that once I got home I would explain all that happened to Olanrewaju and that should settle everything.

For the first time since I met Olanrewaju. I didn’t feel like facing him, for some reason I just thought he would be angry if Dayo had mentioned that he met me outside in the arms of another man.

Dayo dropped me off at home and he was unusually quiet all through the ride. That’s when I knew there might be trouble. Once I got home, I rehearsed my lines and sat patiently waiting for Olanrewaju.

As he walked in, his eyes were red and I could see the anger in his eyes. Before he could say a word, I knelt down before him, but I received the shock of my life when his knees met with mine on the floor, he took my hands and asked me softly

‘Sexy T, Please complete me, Marry me’

Don’t just read my story, learn from me please;

v  A proposal doesn't mean that the relationship is going well. A proposal won't fix the wrongs

v  Sex feels good in most cases and when you have Sex with a person you exchange a lot of things both emotionally and physically, so naturally you may feel attracted to the person. It doesn't mean love neither does it mean true companionship.  

v  If you are not ready to be helpful and homely in a relationship. I'm not sure how you are getting yourself prepared for marriage.

v  That you are in a love relationship doesn't mean you should say goodbye to true friends. You will need them trust me.

MRS TO MISERY part 1

Mrs to Misery. Part 1

‘Deyemi, if you can’t wait then walk.’ I shouted as he pestered me for an answer to his one year proposal. You see Deyemi wasn’t really my kind of guy. Just like every girl I had my ideal desire. He had to be tall, built, well spoken, rich and famous. Although unlike many I wanted my guy to be a bit light skinned not dark. I am proudly black and beautiful, I have a perfect figure, I sometimes feel I’m a little too dark but I do like the contrast, my dark self with a light skinned man, the thought alone sooths my mind. Don’t get me wrong, I like caring and loving guys too but somethings have to top the Man Qualities Tree. Deyemi wasn’t my kind of guy at all but he had the kind of money I wanted and that money was the very reason I still kept him close. He had the money and he was very generous, he would always say ‘Anything for you Adetounmi’. He was capable of loving, he really was but he just didn’t fit into my picture. Although Adeyemi was tall, rich and well spoken, he was almost as dark as I am and he wasn’t as fine as I would have wanted, he looked okay but there’s this kind of handsome that makes you call a guy beautiful, that was my spec. I wanted beautiful children, each time I’m on Instagram and I see cute family pictures, I’m blown away and I always hope for nothing less.

‘Adetounmi, how long would I have to wait? You mean the world to me and today makes it a year since I first set my eyes on you and I asked you to be mine.’

‘I am not ready for a relationship just yet, I have a lot on my mind right now and loving you isn’t one of it.

He moved closer to me and tried to plant a kiss on my forehead but I withdrew, I really wanted to be in love, to mark register with a boo on Instagram, but Deyemi didn’t fit in at all.

Adeyemi was my ATM, he was always available. He subscribed for my data plan monthly, he gave me monthly allowance, I was free to choose any day of the week for a perfect outing. He was just too generous, he was respectful and he would never raise his voice. There was this time he tried raising his voice, I just kept laughing. He looked so adorable.

‘Adetoumi don’t get me upset, I don’t like this. You promised you were going to take these drugs but you haven’t even touched them, the food I brought is lying in waste. How are you going to get better?’

‘But I can’t take anything, my mouth is bitter.’

‘What bitter can’t a glass of juice cure, I’m not asking you to take the drugs with water. In fact there is no need, just do your thing, I will be here waiting in silence.’

Deyemi refused talking to me until I ate a little and took the drugs. He didn’t like me falling ill at all, sometimes I would hide it from him, but he always knew when there was something wrong.

Adeyemi was a good friend. A part of me wished we could just stay friends, life would be so much easier that way. Asides being a good friend, he was a spender and everytime he spent so much, I would say ‘Thank you for being a great friend.’ I used to say this to remind him that we were nothing but friends so that I wouldn’t have to feel guilty when I eventually got tired of spending his money.

There was nothing he wouldn’t do for me, he respected me so much, all his good traits were his weaknesses to me. He was too soft, too quiet, he was just too much of everything.  The Truth is I felt for Adeyemi, I just didn’t get why you would stay so long with someone who kept rejecting you. But he just wasn’t the one. At this point of my life I was not particularly ready for marriage but I was ready for love things, I wanted to belong to a man, I wanted to belong to someone. I felt alone in a way and I just needed someone to feel that space. I wanted a relationship because all my friends were in one, majority were even married and they always put up pictures on their Instagram pages. I was the only one who wasn’t in a relationship, I had completed the syllabus for bridesmaid duties and I wanted in. But Adeyemi wasn’t the one, he wasn’t that fine, he had a funny way of pronouncing some words, and as much as he was rich, he wasn’t a great dresser, he was a normal shirt and trouser guy. It was just a money miss road sort of thing, He liked private I liked public, he liked email I liked Instagram. Adeyemi wasn’t even on Instagram, no snapchat, always offline on Facebook (how would he reciprocate my love posts even if we had a chance?). Don’t show private love, I was all about the social media testimony.  I knew within me that if my spec arrived, Adeyemi will need to find his level.

One Monday morning, I had to rush to the bank to use the ATM, Adeyemi had sent me some money and I needed to buy somethings. When I got to the ATM, amazingly there was no one, my first thought was that something was wrong, but as I moved closer I could see the message on screen to insert my card and thankfully, it worked. However, my joy was short lived because even though I got my cash, my card didn’t make it out. I waited for a while and still nothing, as I made my way into the banking hall, I bumped into this beautiful young man, funny thing was that I had seen him in front of the bank earlier speaking to a lady as I walked to the ATM, but I didn’t look twice. Now I had the opportunity to look again, and wow, he was without any physical blemish, perfect in all human composition and nothing could match his physical grace.

‘I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking, your beauty is quite a distraction.’ I had barely gotten my balance and he was already sweet talking, I might as well just slip and fall. As if he didn’t except any reply to his compliment he asked if I needed help with anything. ‘No thanks, I just need to get into the bank, the ATM won’t give my card back’ I managed a smile

‘I can help with that, I’m the manager here. Come with me please. ‘

‘Thank you’

As we walked into the bank, it was like everyone had been awaiting his arrival. ‘Fresh, I dropped the document on your table.’ ‘Fresh, won’t we buy lunch?’ ‘Oga Fresh, I dey hail o.’ His praise was all over and he just kept smiling. My kind of guy, everyone’s delight, I felt at ease just walking behind him, as we walked past the long customer care queue I felt on top of the world. True to his words, he help me with the issue and I was asked to return the next day for my card.

‘See you tomorrow then.’ He said as I walked away

‘Yes, sure.’

As I made my way out of the banking hall, I felt this unusual attachment to Fresh, I didn’t know his name yet but that’s what everyone called him. He had made me smile when he said the machine didn’t want to stop seeing my face, that’s why it swallowed my card. I thought he had a fine sense of humour and for some reason I couldn’t wait to behold his beauty again. His face was adorable, tall man, moderately light, dark skinned, well-kept facial hair, magical eyes. He wasn’t intimidated by my amazing figure, I’m usually a head turner but he made me shy, that was a first. He didn’t look around when he addressed me, he had his eyes glued on me and those eyes had a powerful effect on me.

In a wink, morning had come and I rushed to the bank, of course it wasn’t just for my card this time, it was for Fresh. Just as if he had been waiting for me, I met him in front of the banking hall.

‘You may have to keep coming back here, I’m not sure the ATM can ever have enough of this beauty.’

See this fine man o, he wants to make a sister faint. ‘You are a funny man.’ ‘Is my card ready for pick up now?’

‘It is, but I’m thinking of holding on to it for a few more days, except you can give me something better.’ He was such a charmer.

‘What would that be?’ I asked

He handed me his card without saying a word. We both went into the banking all and I had the card issue sorted.

It took great strength not to call Fresh that night, I had been hopelessly looking for an excuse to call him since I left the bank but came up with none. I finally decided to send a thank you message for his help. He called back immediately and that was the beginning of a beautiful love ride for me.

We already spent an hour talking before he thought of WhatsApp. ‘You know what beautiful, why don’t we pick this up on WhatsApp, will chat you up in a bit.’

As soon as Olanrewaju Williams ended the call, Deyemi called me, He was wondering why I didn’t call him as I said I would. At this point my level of disgust was rising, you see the automatic switch of attention was great. Deyemi was nothing compared to Olarewaju and I wasn’t even ready for any yeye love talk with him. I wanted to lie that I wasn’t feeling well but that would be my woe. I just told him he was calling at a bad time and I would call him later. It was like torture, I couldn’t wait to get off the phone with him.

I started to chat with Lanre, we talked till about 2am, I had to force him to go to bed because he had to go to work the next day. Fun99ny, lively, amazing conversation, I couldn’t have enough.

We became best of friends, we talked every minute, every second and we could practically tell what the other was doing anytime of the day. I started to ignore Deyemi’s calls, and reduced communication with him, matter of fact he started to irritate me more, I just wanted to delete him from my memory. Meeting Lanre was like the magic I had been waiting for. About 2months after we started chatting, I started to post his picture on Instagram. My regular tags were; Cuteness overload, Mr willaims, you see that name, hmmmm, the name melts my heart, Deyemi’s surname was Alagbede, that was even a NO NO, I’ve always been picky with names. This was the first time I was meeting a Williams and that’s great. This one was final.

As we grew in love, we became closer by the day, he started to use my picture on Instagram as well. The first day he used my picture, I was jumping on my bed for over 15minutes, I said to myself ‘This thing just got real.’ Everything was fine, I was alright.

I now had work, I would edit pictures and tag my friends. The comments kept rolling in, how good we looked and how we fit perfectly. Without much thought it was as though we were already in a relationship. Well, technically we were……..

As I penthese experiences, I hope that you learn one or two things:

Ø  Love in appearance doesn’t mean love on the inside.

Ø  What you like may not always what you need.

Ø  If you are drawn by physical and lustful desires, you are most likely going to attract your kind.

Ø  Most times the social media kind of love is about keeping up appearances. When there’s nothing to post, you become frustrated in your relationship because you’ve not always been guided by inner love but by peoples approval.

Ø  You better have a good reason for getting into any relationship.

Ø  The physical should not always top the list of preference.

Part 2 soon.

COVER ME

DISTURBANCE

Some People will be disturbed when your star rise,.

No matter how reflecting,

No matter how long you have waited.

Some people will be disturbed when your name resounds,

No matter how perfect,

No matter how long your name has been only on visitors books.

Some people will be disturbed when your work pays.

No matter how deserving,

No matter how long you’ve hard to work for a pay.

Some people will be disturbed when you get married,

No matter how beautiful,

No matter how long you’ve been on the waiting list.

Some people will be disturbed when you stand in the crowd,

No matter how graceful,

No matter how long the crowd has waited.

Some people will be disturbed when your award comes,

No matter how record breaking,

No matter how long your work has been on the nominated list.

Some people will be disturbed when you find your voice,

No matter how sonorous,

No matter how long you have had to stay silent.

Some people will be disturbed when you Pray,

No matter how silent,

No matter how long you’ve been on bended knees.

You know why?

All they ask is why not me?

That’s the voice that seeks to outshine.

But you know what, you didn’t create the disturbance,

Their hate created the anger, so that disturbance is not yours.

Remember Herod, when the star of Jesus rose, he sought to kill,

But the Magi saw the star and sought to praise,

Herod created a disturbance.

Magi created a relationship.

No disturbance is worth the price you paid for your star,

But every relationship created along the way will always be worth the sacrifice.

So when the time comes let your star shine in the face of their disturbance because your star is what will kill their noise.

THE DEEP IS DOPE

You are coming out of your DOPE DEEP better, wiser and stronger. Yearn to go deeper, it's always worth it

MEMORIES